Good-bye, old friend.

Well, tonight I learned something both disturbing and saddening.

I learned that a friend whom I’ve been out of touch with for the past year and a half, has actually been actively cutting me out of her life this whole time, as she is full of judgement for me and how I live my life.

I had no idea.

I emailed her yesterday to invite her to the wedding, and she emailed me back.

She didn’t ask me how I was doing. She wasn’t interested in knowing anything about me.

But she had quite a lot to say! She let loose a long ferocious series judgments, with condemnation and anger.

All this time, these past 18 months, I thought we were just busy with our lives, and out of touch due to her getting married and moving away from Leeds. I thought she had shut down her Facebook account as I couldn’t contact her on FB any more. It never occurred to me that she was cutting me out deliberately. I hadn’t wronged her in any way.

The message was one-sided, all about why my lifestyle and choices displease and offend her.

Yet she knows nothing about me, my life, what I think, what I feel, what I’m going through. She never asked, and if I were to offer, she wouldn’t listen.

Yet despite her ignorance about me, she saw fit to send me this lengthy diatribe about how I am going against the will of God Her/Himself.

It seems that my (former) friend is an expert on God’s will in my life. Quite amazing, really.

She proved to me in her message that God was on her side, and definitely not happy with me.

Her proof involved a bit of picking-and-choosing from Scripture.

Apparently, when one quotes the Bible, this makes one an expert on the specifics of God’s will for someone else’s life.

It’s quite phenomenal.

I wonder what Jesus would think of that?

Her message to me ended with the comment, “God’s plan is always the best but you have to give up control and commit to that path.” I actually agree with that, with a couple of small adjustments. I would change it to, “God’s plan is always the best so you have to give up attempting to control things (and others) and seek that path.”

Do I know God’s plan for me? Do I know God’s plan beyond what is broadly apparent: to live, to grow, to die, to be?

Do I know what God’s plan involves for me, specifically, from day to day, moment to moment?

I couldn’t say, specifically. The specifics change all the time. But the bigger things involved are: A lot of listening. A lot of being. A lot of living. A lot of dying.

As far as my (former) friend and I are concerned, I am glad our paths crossed and we walked together for awhile. But for the time being at least, our journeys have diverged.

Good-bye, old friend. I shall miss you.

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One thought on “Good-bye, old friend.”

  1. Hi LeeSun

    “Goodbye old friend”…wow LeeSun, seems you’ve already pushed me out of your life without any discussions about my true intentions or the heart behind my words to you. Hmmm, how we do to others the things we accuse them of doing to us. It’s surprising to see someone who advocates love and liberalism as you do, describe me as your “former friend” before any opportunity for dialogue has even occurred.

    I am shocked to discover (only online) that the only emotions you chose to extrapolate from my response were anger, judgment, indifference, condemnation and self-righteousness. And that you thought the best way to deal with your feelings was to publish them instead of talking to me privately.

    I would say that most of your judgments here are in error, including your assumptions about me ignoring you and my reasons for quitting Facebook.

    I still stand by my words to you because I love you even when it offends…the love God has for us, is nothing like the love of this world. God’s love is strong enough to correct error and cares enough to rebuke selfishness.

    There’s the thing: no one is perfect, not me nor you, but that is why I would expect you to confront me rightly, if you feel I am bringing reproach to the name of our lord who bled for us. My ultimate point was, and still is; marriage is no small thing, even if we feel we are scourged and want so desperately to be understood beyond biblical perimeters. But the only latitude given to us believers for divorce is adultery. See it as you may but it is loving for me to pluck up the courage to suggest some “stop checks” to you as a friend.

    Im sorry I didn’t ask how you were, or how things were going in your life within that single email, I think that was an error on my part. I rather thought there were weightier matters at hand.

    If you wish to discuss this outside of your blogs, I would be available to prayerfully search scriptures with you in order to discern Gods guidance on anything that matters to you, since neither of us are the authority on truth and error as you quite rightly stated.

    If you did accept you would be so very welcome old friend….

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