I learned that a friend whom I’ve been out of touch with for the past year and a half, has actually been actively cutting me out of her life this whole time, as she is full of judgement for me and how I live my life.
I had no idea.
I emailed her yesterday to invite her to the wedding, and she emailed me back.
She didn’t ask me how I was doing. She wasn’t interested in knowing anything about me.
But she had quite a lot to say! She let loose a long ferocious series judgments, with condemnation and anger.
All this time, these past 18 months, I thought we were just busy with our lives, and out of touch due to her getting married and moving away from Leeds. I thought she had shut down her Facebook account as I couldn’t contact her on FB any more. It never occurred to me that she was cutting me out deliberately. I hadn’t wronged her in any way.
Yet she knows nothing about me, my life, what I think, what I feel, what I’m going through. She never asked, and if I were to offer, she wouldn’t listen.
Yet despite her ignorance about me, she saw fit to send me this lengthy diatribe about how I am going against the will of God Her/Himself.
It seems that my (former) friend is an expert on God’s will in my life. Quite amazing, really.
She proved to me in her message that God was on her side, and definitely not happy with me.
Her proof involved a bit of picking-and-choosing from Scripture.
Apparently, when one quotes the Bible, this makes one an expert on the specifics of God’s will for someone else’s life.
It’s quite phenomenal.
I wonder what Jesus would think of that?
Her message to me ended with the comment, “God’s plan is always the best but you have to give up control and commit to that path.” I actually agree with that, with a couple of small adjustments. I would change it to, “God’s plan is always the best so you have to give up attempting to control things (and others) and seek that path.”
Do I know God’s plan for me? Do I know God’s plan beyond what is broadly apparent: to live, to grow, to die, to be?
Do I know what God’s plan involves for me, specifically, from day to day, moment to moment?
I couldn’t say, specifically. The specifics change all the time. But the bigger things involved are: A lot of listening. A lot of being. A lot of living. A lot of dying.
As far as my (former) friend and I are concerned, I am glad our paths crossed and we walked together for awhile. But for the time being at least, our journeys have diverged.
Good-bye, old friend. I shall miss you.